Today I am doing the impossible – or so I thought just a few years ago. I am marrying my soul mate. After losing my first young love to suicide, I never thought I would find love again.
This love I have found is a new kind of love for me. I don’t think I was always ready for this kind of love. A mature love – one that feels freeing and liberating, while safe and secure all at the same time. I feel free to be me – completely me, authentic, messy, crazy, and even brilliant me, without hesitation or reservation, all of the time – and even celebrated in spite of me.
There was a line in a movie once, which really resonated with me…and well, I think I longed for someone to say this to me, and me to him…well for as long as I had seen that movie. The words that Jack Nicholson said to Helen Hunt in As Good as It Gets, ”You make me want to be a better man.”
I thought those words were only uttered in movies, and that type of fairy tale was saved for those who were angelic, supermodel or Mother Theresa – like women. How could I, with all of my imperfections, be held in such high regard – have such worth?
I realized that the fairy tale does not really ensue until the princess can see on her own how she feels about herself. I was not able to receive that kind of love until I did my own work on myself and began to love myself, and want to be better for me.
In this process, I discovered my self-love. I found a man who not only loves me, but likes me – gets me, knows me to the core and builds me up to be my best self everyday.
When I was really clear and ready to welcome the man in my life I put my request out to the universe. This is the request I typed onto my iPhone as I imagined this new love entering my life.
“I want a man who is beautiful inside and out, selfless, adores me, gets me, is patient, not jealous, loving, positive, accountable for his life, a life coach, dances, extroverted, confident, sings to me and plays guitar, passionate, pleasing, all eyes on me, a loving dad, wants kids, athletic, smart, successful, comfortable in own skin, finds me amazing! Wants to be with me! Will drop everything to come and see me.”
Then I visualized what this man would look like – tall dark and handsome, and for fun I said and 6’ 4.” I said right now I bet he is running with his dog.
I met my love 5 days later, and I think I almost fell over when I first shook his hand, not consciously knowing why…
Within another 5 days (maybe less) I knew he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He is all of the things I asked for – and yes he even sings to me – in Spanish! Who knew when I said a runner, he would be a 100-mile runner and an Ironman athlete.
And he does drop everything for me, and the girls, and comes to us. He is the most thoughtful and generous man and father. He makes everyone who comes in contact with him feel their worth and importance. Those who know him know exactly what I mean. I could not ask for more.
A year to the day we met, he asked me to marry him. Of course I said, “yes.” First, he asked me if I would “draw a new circle with him.” I wholeheartedly said yes. We had just read “Circles” by Ralph Waldo Emerson that day together. We talked about how to really move forward from the past, we must conquer the need to talk about our old story – our past, and create a new story – we must draw a new circle.
My fairy tale is coming true, and I am so looking forward to drawing a new circle with my love Ron Renaud.